Finding a Future
by maryyy
Summary: Rory's life after the revival. At Luke and Lorelai's wedding, Jess offers Rory comfort, a pep talk, and a job. Rory accepts.


**When I finished watching the revival last week, at first I was crushed. The last 4 words slayed me (and all of my Rory/Jess dreams). But the more I thought about it, the more I thought there was potential for the future. And then this idea popped into my head. It'll follow Rory as she moves to Philadelphia and raises her baby. This is the prologue and each chapter after this one will focus on a year of her and her child's life. And of course, Jess is along for the ride. Let me know what you think.**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine**

* * *

The wedding had been beautiful and perfect and everything her mom had ever wanted—the townspeople gathered and dancing and laughing. Sookie and Jackson and Kirk and Lane and even Emily Gilmore herself were all there celebrating and smiling. Rory had even glanced at Jess during the ceremony as he'd been the best man to her maid of honor, and she'd caught him with a slightly-bigger-than-usual smirk. It was a day of sheer joy and celebration. But Rory couldn't help but feel a gnawing guilt deep in her stomach through it all.

After all, she had dropped _the_ bomb—the bomb her mother had spent the last 32 years worrying and stressing about, hoping her daughter wouldn't make the same mistakes she did. And she'd dropped it on her the morning of one of the biggest days of her mother's life.

Rory feels selfish. She hadn't meant to drop it on Lorelai like that. It had been bugging-and worrying and eating at-her since she'd gone to her yearly gyno appointment a few weeks ago and they'd dropped the bomb on her. It had consumed her every thought. She'd made countless pro and con lists coming at the issue from every angle (whether to keep the baby, where to live if she kept the baby, whether she needed to give up her Christiane Amanpour dreams and live a life of stability and ease, whether she even wants to tell Logan, whether, if she decides to tell Logan, she should tell him now or wait 'til the baby's born, tell him over the phone or travel to London, what to name the baby if it's a boy—because of course she knows what its name will be if it's a girl). And through it all, she had told no one. It had been on the tip of her tongue for weeks. And when her mom asked her what was on her mind, she couldn't help it from finally slipping out.

Rory watches her mom dance with Luke, her head tilted back in laughter at the sight of Kirk swing dancing with Lulu on the opposite side of the dance floor in the town square. Maybe her announcement hadn't completely ruined her mom's day.

From her seat on the steps of the gazebo, Rory glances at the scene surrounding her. She can see Babette and Miss Patty singing a drunken rendition of a Carole King song across the square, Martha, Davy, Kwon, and Steve chasing each other through the square, shouting something unintelligible. Hep Alien graces the stage, Lane shooting her sons a warning glare that could rival one of Mrs. Kim's while never missing a beat on her drums. The boys catch it and immediately slow. A corner of Rory's mouth twitches up at the sight. Lane turned out more like her own mother than she ever thought she would. Rory can't help but feel that she will do the same. In many ways—one huge way actually—she already has.

She looks down and bites her lip, her eyes suddenly feeling wet.

"You know, I actually forgot how crazy this town is." Jess's voice surprises her out of her thoughts. He nods towards the corner of the square, where Taylor and Kirk now stand shouting about pig waste, the proper way to dispose of said waste, and the citations that can be issued as a result of not following proper pig waste removal practices.

Jess sits next to her on the step. Close enough to be heard over the din, but far enough away to remain an appropriate step-cousin-and-ex-lover-and-hesitant-friend distance apart.

"They look happy," Jess says, looking at the newly married, dancing couple. Rory's still getting used to Jess being so chatty. Sometimes she looks at him, at these times when he's visiting Luke at the same time as her own visit home, and is shocked he is the same monosyllabic, angry, powerful boy she once _may-have_ loved.

"Yeah," she responds and to her embarrassment, her eyes fill with tears again. And to make it even worse, the ever observant Jess notices.

(Something that hasn't changed about him through all these years. She remembers a time when he noticed a subtle change in her hair, when he recognized her Bjork-like snowman, when he could understand the look on her face when she came to the diner straight from the hospital after GiGi's birth and he said nothing, but he gave her a rare and long kiss-less hug and that was the first time she thought she might love him a little. And of course, when, after a couple hours of talking to her after years of being apart, he could tell that she had screwed up her life and dropped out of Yale and become someone else. Even when she wasn't recognizable to anyone who knew her at all, Jess could still see her and recognize her and understand her.)

"You okay?" he asks, his voice low and his head tilted towards her.

He doesn't pry though. He never pries. It's how Jess has always been, but Rory thinks it also might be part of the new and improved, mature and successful writer Jess Mariano, a different Jess Mariano to the one she knew 15 years ago. She reminds herself it's not really so new and improved. He's been stable and settled down for over 10 years. She's been the one couch surfing and sowing her oats and being rootless. And now she's the one with the baby on the way, no job, no home, and of course, no underwear. (She's got to find that box.) It amazes her how they've both turned out.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Her voice cracks.

His eyes narrow in concern, and she's reminded how much she doesn't actually know about this Jess. Her Jess, the one she knew and may-have loved 15 years ago, would've taken that response and accepted it. And then he would've shown her the book he was currently reading or kissed her wetly on the mouth. Anything to not have to talk about something important or meaningful and non-Kerouac-related.

"God, this is so embarrassing. I can't believe this is happening."

"What's happening?" Jess slides a little closer on the step. "Rory. I know that look. That's your 'I'm Rory Gilmore and I'm currently freaked the fuck out right now' look." He ducks his head and looks her in the eye. Not for the first time in the last 10 years, she decides she likes this Jess. "What's going on?"

"I'm pregnant."

"You're—"

"Pregnant, yes." She studies him, as if his reaction will tell her something, answer one of her many pro and con list worthy questions. _Is she happy about this? Will her career-and her dreams and her goals-survive this? Does she even—_ _ **should**_ _she even—care about her career and her dreams and her goals anymore when she has this whole new dream growing inside her?_ But his face is impassive and steady and her questions remain unanswered.

"With—"

"Logan's baby."

"Logan," he repeats.

And because she doesn't know what to do or say to this step-cousin-ex-lover-hesitant-friend that she's told her biggest secret to, she starts rambling.

"Logan Huntzberger? You met him when you came to Yale that one time. Although I think you termed him the 'blond dick at Yale' instead of his actual name so you might've forgotten that that was his name. And of course that was like 11 years ago so you probably don't even remember him now. But anyways, he came to town a month or so ago and it was stupid and I don't know why I always do this with him. I always forget how much he's not right for me and fall right back into it all with him but now I'm pregnant." She ends this segment of her rant with a scoff. She leaves out the part about their what-happens-in-Vegas agreement and his engagement to a French heiress and the whole past year of their affair and she isn't even sure why. But she thinks it might have something to do with the look of disappointment she's sure she'd be able to decipher on Jess's hard-to-read face after telling him that part of the story.

She continues.

"I haven't told him. I'm not sure I even want to. I mean we're not together. We both have our own lives. He lives in London. And I don't want either of us to feel obligated to be together. We're not right for each other. I've finally realized that. Except now it's too late because I'm pregnant with his baby. And part of me wants to be like my mom and do this whole thing totally on my own. But is that stupid? My mom had to do it alone. I don't. I have so many people who could help and am I really going to turn that down to live alone in Queens and raise this baby by myself?"

She takes a breath.

"And I'm unemployed. And _confused_. And where am I supposed to live huh? Here in Stars Hollow? On one hand, that feels right, but on the other hand, I want to settle somewhere else and make my own life. And also where am I going to work if I stay here? I cannot stay at the Stars Hollow Gazette with Esther and Charlie. He's always asleep and she only ever files things. I've never seen her not filing things. Literally. She stands next to the file cabinet and files. For hours. Everyday. It's ridiculous. And I'm worried my mom is so disappointed in me. I told her this morning and she was shocked but once she overcame the shock, she seemed supportive. But I know she's got to be disappointed. I mean I'm disappointed. This wasn't in the plan. I was supposed to be married and happy and have all of my career dreams already realized by the time this happened. Am I supposed to be the next Christiane Amanpour with a baby strapped to my hip? God, that's awful. There is literally a person growing inside of me, and I'm worried about my career? I'm going to be the worst mother. Oh! And what about coffee? Pregnant women aren't supposed to drink coffee and I've already drank gallons of coffee since becoming pregnant. I suck as a mother."

"Rory! —"

"I didn't think it was even possible to suck as a mother this much this early on. But it is. And I do."

"Rory! Stop." His voice is firm but calm. "First off, you are not a bad mother. I know you. I used to know you better than anyone. Remember?"

She nods. She does remember. Despite all the space and the years that their relationship has seen since "Rory and Jess: The Early Years," she remembers. And sometimes she thinks she always will. He left a larger mark on her life than she ever realized.

"You're going to be an incredible mother. You've had a great example of that." He nods towards Lorelai and she is amazed at how much he's matured, at the fact that he can admit at least a modicum of respect for her mother now. He continues.

"And secondly, this is your baby and your body and your life. If you decide to not go through with it or to go through with it and not tell the blond dick or to stay in Stars Hollow or move to Queens or Boston or fucking Bali, then that's your choice." He says it all quickly and passionately, his lower lip crooked, and it reminds her of the time he yelled at her to get her life together outside the bar in New Haven.

"Thirdly, just because you're having a baby—if you _choose_ to have this baby—does not mean your career is over. You've been doing mostly freelance stuff anyways right? And you're working on this amazing book right now, too." The way he says amazing is overdramatic and silly and she knows he only says it to make her smile and she likes that he does that now. "You can write from anywhere."

"And fourthly—and this one's conditional on you wanting to move to Philly—we have a job opening at Truncheon."

She can't mask her surprise, "A job opening?"

"We've expanded the publishing side of the business a bit in the past few months, and we're getting a lot more manuscripts than I can handle myself. And since Matthew and Chris mostly handle the business side of things and the 'zine and the bookstore, I'm kind of on my own with the publishing. We have other help of course, but we've been looking to hire a full-time publisher/editor to help me out. I can't think of anyone better for the job. I mean, I'm assuming you'll let us publish this book of yours when it's finally complete, so you'll be needing to come back and forth to Philly a lot anyways. It'd give you flexible hours and plenty of time to write. And if you really want to get out of Stars Hollow and start fresh, I think Philly'd be a good place to start. And," he smirks, "I think you'd just really love working with so many books."

She opens her mouth to speak, to thank him for the offer but politely decline, when he speaks again.

"Look, just think about it. Okay? No pressure, no expectations. I know we have a history and are now pseudo-cousins—which is insanely weird—but treat this like you would any other job offer. Because that's what it is. I think you could use a fresh start and a steady job that you like and Truncheon could offer you that." He raises his eyebrows at her.

She nods, "Okay. Thank you, Jess. I promise I'll think about it."

"Good." He smiles, then reaches out to nudge her arm gently. It's a friendly gesture and it—and all of the pep talk he just gave her—makes her feel a little less freaked out and terrified and alone. He stands up.

"I'll see you around Rory." He takes a couple steps and then turns back, "Let me know about the job."

She smiles at him thankfully, and when he's almost too far away for her to call out to him anymore, she does.

"Hey, Jess?"

He turns.

"Thanks for the pep talk! You're always there with one when I need it and I- "

He smirks at her in a way that's so _him_ , she almost feels like she's 17 again.

"Hey, what are ex-boyfriends-slash-step-cousins-slash-friends for?"

He winks at her and then he walks away.

* * *

That night, she stays in Luke's old apartment to give her mom and Luke some privacy. She feels weird sleeping in Luke's bed so she takes April's (read: Jess's) instead. It's weird being back there, like she's been transported back to a simpler time when all she had to worry about was which Ivy League college to attend or how to get her brick wall of a boyfriend to open up to her.

"Those were the days," she mumbles to herself.

She thinks about her mother's goodbye to her earlier in the night, when she and Luke left the reception. She had hugged her tighter than she has in years, and then stepped out of the hug, still holding on to Rory's arms. She stared at Rory's face for a minute, and then whispered:

"I love you, kid. And I'm so proud of you." She paused, sniffled, blinked the tears out of her eyes, "You're gonna be the _best_ mom."

And then Rory cried and then they just held each other and cried and it was everything Rory needed.

Now that the tears are through, Rory thinks, she can finally think clearly. She grabs her notebook from her bag and makes one last pro/con list.

* * *

Two days later, she sits in the kitchen of her childhood home with Lorelai. They're eating pop tarts. They'd talked a bit over the past couple days about the baby and the future, but Rory had been intentionally vague when talking about plans. She still wasn't sure what she wanted to do. But she'd had two days of thinking and considering and studying every single one of her lists, and she thinks she knows what she wants now.

Her mom's in the middle of a laughing rant about _Sausage Party_ when Rory says, "Mom."

Lorelai seems to realize that whatever Rory is about to say is significant because she stops talking immediately and her face changes.

"Jess offered me a job at his publishing house in Philadelphia." She pauses. "And I think I'm gonna accept."

"Jess? Philadelphia? Rory— "

"I know it sounds weird, but I think it'd be good for me. I can't really explain, but I just feel like I need to go off and do this on my own, you know, make a new start. And I can't do that here. And I think I'll really like the job. I'll have time to write and read and prepare for everything to come. And I know it sounds like I'm picking up and following my ex-boyfriend, who you always hated and who has an admittedly dark past, to an unknown city. But Jess and I are friends now and nothing more. And I like the thought that I'll have him in my corner there. I know you probably won't understand, but— "

"Rory." Lorelai stops her. "I understand. I mean, I'm the poster child for getting the hell out of dodge with a baby on your hip and starting new. Am I nervous about you moving? And sad that you won't be so close anymore? Hell yes. But a publishing job sounds like a great fit for you. And it's closer than London or Kansas City. And I don't hate Jess. I like that you'll have someone looking out for you-and the littlest Lorelai-where you're headed next. But I do think you need to be careful. I know it's been years, but Jess asking you to move to his city and become his co-worker and best friend is a little too _When_ _Harry Met Sally_ for me to be totally comfortable with it, but hey, it's your life, and it's your career. And your baby." Her voice is shaky at the end of her speech and Rory feels tears behind her eyes again.

"But, Mom, this isn't the same as you getting the hell out of dodge. I'm not running from you, like you ran from grandma. I love you. And you've given me so much. Everything I could ever want. You've been the perfect mom. I just feel like I need to do my own thing for a while."

"I understand."

"I love this house and Stars Hollow. But I can't raise a baby here. I can't keep working as the editor of the Stars Hollow Gazette."

"I understand."

"But how can you understand? I'm evil for wanting to do this. For wanting to leave you and Stars Hollow and my life for some unknown life as a publisher in Philadelphia. And I'm crazy for wanting to do this on my own. I can't do this on my own. I need you."

"You don't. You don't need me. You're 32. You've been away from Stars Hollow for a decade now. Being back the past few months has made you feel horrible. I don't want that for you or my grandbaby. You're too big for this town, kid. You always have been." Lorelai gives her a watery smile.

It's the first time Lorelai has said the word "grandbaby" and the thought makes Rory smile.

"But you better fix up a spare room for me wherever you end up living because I am going to visit **so** much."

"Of course. I won't be able to do this without you, mom."

Lorelai grabs Rory's hand off the table and for a moment, they just sit. And cry. And hold hands. And wonder what the future holds.


End file.
